I’m someone who doesn’t easily remember her dreams, so I often say that I don’t…dream. We all know that isn’t true, but it’s incredibly rare for me to remember even a fragment of a dream most of the time. I’ve been trying to deepen meditation and basically ask for help in remembering, because I do find dreams to be so fascinating, and most probably know, they are the window into the subconscious. And, oh, how I yearn to speak with my subconscious.
So, after meditation and writing a short poem on Sunday night, I went to bed, and apparently, I had a dream. For those who don’t follow me on IG, I’ll just mention that the poem was about meeting my soul partner in our dreams. It’s whimsical, and hopeful, and filled with the prospect of true love. This will matter again a little later.
Sunday night, I had a dream. When I woke up Monday morning, I only remembered a small bit of said dream, which I’m going to share with you now. Let me start by saying, I’m not trying to steal Megan Fox’s man, but I’m just going to put out there that MGK and I were pretty into each other in my dream. Ok. I said it. It’s done, let’s move on. Ok, wait, before we move on I do also need to confess that I had to spend a lot of time getting past this fact because I could not...COULD NOT wrap my mind around his appearance in my brain. It was too distracting for me to analyze until way later, and with a little help from my therapist. Once I finally go over HIM and got down to the brass tacks of who he represents, I was able to put things together more clearly and THAT is what I want to share with you.
Here’s the dream: MGK and I are in a bedroom amid a pretty heavy makeout sesh when there’s the rumble of people coming through an outside door (front, back, I don’t know). The disruption sounds pretty important so MGK bolts for the door and I follow, more calmly. We’re in a kitchen with many other people, most of them “his boys” and some actual, boys, like I’m pretty sure these kids were 12 years old. There’s some sense of urgency and excitement, but not good excitement, more like the kind of adrenaline you feel right before a confrontation. What was said and done is a blur, but suddenly the guys are rushing outside and I’m collecting children and other people in the house to move them to another room, again, calm. We hear shots outside, and my mom comes down the hallway to see what’s going on, and I turn her around and usher her back into the other room with everyone else. After some unknown amount of time, I walk back to the kitchen and calmly ask the person standing there: “were they shot?” And then…I wake up.
There’s a lot to deconstruct here, so bear with me; this is either going to be a long post or a two-parter.
Let’s get into the more obvious moving parts…
Me and “he”: In my dream my partner is someone who a - I wouldn’t normally be with, challenging me, perhaps to break free from some of my own rules and conventions. And b - is very much a partner. When things go awry, he takes to protect the external, while I take to protecting the internal, without missing a beat, we are both able to attend to the situation independently, knowing that what we’re doing is serving a greater good. If there’s one thing I could desire in a future partner, it’s this quality of mutual respect and independence that makes us a stronger pair.
I’m calm: Throughout the course of events, despite being worried about what’s happening outside, I remain calm and work to keep people safe inside. I work to keep those who are too young, naïve, or seemingly innocent safe from the danger ensuing just in front of the house we’re in. I try to keep everyone calm and quiet and don’t let on that I am also terribly scared.
Shooting: I looked up “shooting” according to dream analysis, and I had to dig a little because I’m not directly involved, but I can hear it and I know intuitively that’s what’s happening outside. The best match I could find described my type of dream as a representation of major disruptions in life - not good or bad, just big. In readings and meditations lately, I’ve had the same message show up - big changes and transformations, which I would argue are disruptions, even when they’re good. They still shake up the norm, deviate from what’s comfortable.
My therapist brought up the house and the rooms as representative of my mind and parts of myself. That there’s perhaps some perceived danger on the outside trying to get in, and that parts of my identity need to work to protect both the external and internal. And, of course, that all the people in the dream are me and/or parts of my identity. This certainly aligns with much of what I’ve been going through for the past year, year and a half, and also with some major life changes that I’ve been contemplating and could possibly be manifesting. And I don’t know the answer to my last question before I woke up: “Were they shot?”, so perhaps this is the Universe keeping some secrets from me for now.
Remember that dreams are representations - they’re never as literal or obvious as our conscious mind wants them to be. They’re the inner workings of our minds delivering messages from our spiritual selves. Also, remember when I said my poem, or the tone of my poem, will matter later? Well, it’s later. See, my poem about meeting my soul partner in my dreams every night is whimsical. And although my dream was borderline a nightmare, it is very clear to me that “he” was my soul partner, because I could sense in my body a connection that doesn’t need defining.
More important than a dream-state rendezvous with my soul partner is a very significant realization, since often our dreams are representative of parts of our “self”, it dawned on me that I’m actually envisioning the most authentic version of myself, and who I could be. I told my therapist that, in general, I’ve been feeling rather neutral, but that my energy is reminiscent of someone who is falling in love, except there isn’t anyone new in my life nor anyone with whom I’m falling in love. Except it wasn’t true because upon deeper reflection, I came to see that the person I’m falling in love with is me.
I’ve done a lot of soul searching, questioning, and remembering in the last year. I’m coming out of my Dark Night of The Soul. I’m dealing with pain and trauma that I’ve carried for far too long, schlepping it around like a security blanket. I’m daring to change my life in ways that resemble starting over. I’m simultaneously in a good and very scary place, but I’m okay. I’m letting that sweet girl rest because, after years of protecting me, it’s time I honor who she is and let her go.
I guess this was a long way for me to say, pay attention to your dreams because they mean something, and pay attention to yourself because you mean something, too.
Until Next Time,